Even in the beginning, relationships are hard work. You zig while he zags. You want a cute little antique house by the water, while he wants a McMansion in middle of nowhere. But somehow you were able to put these differences aside and stay together year after year and decade after decade. Now, thirty plus years into your marriage your kids are grown and out of the house (hopefully) and you and your husband are at what may be a major crossroads in your relationship.
The thirty year mark can be a turning point in one’s marriage for a variety of reasons, If you married in your early 20s you are now in your early 50s. Many people in this age group are working harder than ever in order to be able to retire before 70, while others who may have excelled career-wise at an early age are contemplating an early retirement or have already left the workforce. Other women who have played the role of stay at home mom may now be considering entering the workforce and going back to school in order to acquire new skills. Don’t kid yourself, these types of career stresses and lifestyle changes can have a serious impact on your relationship.
However, career issues are only one of many problems that can rear their ugly heads at this stage of your marriage. Many people who said they would try to “stay together for the kids” have to face the fact that the kids are gone and that the time has come to seek a more fulfilling relationship. Many other women, who are still desperately in love with their husbands despair because they feel neglected and disconnected from the men they love. As you can imagine these numerous factors can often lead husbands and wives to decide to go their separate ways.
Surprisingly, these mid-life marital issues are rarely discussed and certainly not emphasized in too many of the popular marriage and relationship advice books out there, so it is easy to believe that you are alone in feeling uncertain about the future of your marriage. This is not the case as these issues are very, very common.
While we can’t provide you to the answers for all of your mid-life marital dilemmas in one blog post, here are a few pointers to help you keep your marriage on track after the 30 year mark.
Tip #1 – Keep your husband lusting after you
Let’s be honest, a marriage without a spark of desire isn’t going to be as rewarding as you deserve it to be, so this matter of making him lust after you really is important. And while this may seem silly to you if he hasn’t been lusting after you for a long time now, but the good news is that in most cases that desire you used to feel can still be revived if you go about this properly. So what is the trick? Well dressing in sexy outfits and offering him hot oil massages can’t hurt, but the way that you interact with him doing day-to-day stuff is actually even more important. A lot of techniques for getting your man to desire you like he used to can be found in standard dating guides, and most of that material is actually pretty effective. If you are looking for a good place to start is James Bauer’s What Men Secretly Want program. You can watch a video review of the course below.
Tip #2 – Look at your relationship with “fresh eyes”
Everybody who is ever been married knows that to make it work, you have to work hard at it. If you’ve been feeling jaded about the way that things have been going, take a little time off by going on a little mini-vacation (or a full fledged vacation if you can swing it) and then come back to your relationship with fresh eyes. Sure, many of your friends may have failed relationships, and they may be subtly pressuring you to leave your husband because they want your companionship, but is that really in your best interest?
You may have stopped believing you’ll ever have the relationship that you want with your husband, and you might be tempted to give up and try to find somebody better, or even swear off love forever. But who wants that? There is a reason you’ve been with this man for thirty years now. It’s easy to get down on him becasuse of all the little things he does that annoy you, but try to focus on the good things in the relationship, and think about how lucky you actually are.
Tip #3 – Keep the relationship fun!
Its easy to get on each others nerves if all you do is sit around the house, and go out to the same restaurant every week over and over again, so do yourself a favor and switch things up. Go to the zoo, pack a picnic lunch, or if you are feeling up for it go on a hike or camping trip together so that you can enjoy each others company in a different type of environment. One particularly fun activity is to recreate a date that you went on early on in your relationship. This can bring back a flood of wonderful memories and get you husband remembering all of those warm and passionate feelings that he felt when you two first got together.
You don’t need to do anything too elaborate here. Just try to do new things together as much as possible. Other ideas include taking an art or cooking class together. Learning yoga, meditation, and even tantric methods for making love can be a great way to strengthen your bond if you are the open minded type.
Lastly, be prepared to compromise and work hard. It wonít be easy and smooth sailing, but remember that trust and communication are key. Stop the mind games and start communicating ñ your relationship will thank you in the long run.